The search.

15 years ago when I decided I was done with pursuing a higher education I was laced with student loans. We were newly married and broke...just like everyone else at that phase of life. It was fun, scary and exciting. You remember those feelings? Young beautiful hard love, honeymoon feelings at dinner, butterflies when you talk and waiting up on each other after work. I wasn’t taught about how to protect credit or budget and was on my own from a young age. I messed up my credit and didn’t want to deal with things that included money, loans, debt and credit. Like many people I encounter in my new mortgage mama career, I carried shame and regret about my choices...senseless.  After I left college without a Bachelor’s degree I had a big chunk of student loans. Every month when my payment comes out I was mad at myself for not “finishing” or mad at myself for not paying as I go. For bringing debt to my marriage, our future and for what seemed at that time like I would never get them paid off.  Today, I paid my student loans off! I really did try to wait the few more months until they were done, but I couldn't, today I made the last 4 payments to be done forever! Today, I am free of the “i didn’t finish” guilt. Today, I don’t feel inadequate about my lack of higher education. Today, I am grateful for my path. My young marriage. My work ethic. My collegiate memories. My bumpy path that brought me to an incredible life. I may not have earned that BA but college brought me Jason and that was worth the debt. Ten fold. We met while I was an undergrad at University of South Alabama. We moved to Tampa quickly and credits didn’t transfer, etc but there was always a strong pull to work, to find my path through experience, through doing and to be a financial provider for myself and my family. I have a very deep connection with security and working always was a clear path to financial security. I spent a lot of time in life regretting that I didn’t follow the path of status quo. Feeling like I quit, instead of realizing that I was making a choice to search for my path. I spent a lot of time chalking that experience up to failure. Maybe it was, but I’m finally ok with that failure. Vulnerability has never been easy for me to throw out there but I hope that this blog will allow you to see your pivot instead of seeing failure. See your win not your loss. Learn from the loss that you hurdle to get to your win.  Find gratitude in the debt. And most of all, let go of the insecurities of your past that hold you back. And don’t let it take 15 years to see the good in your past. Find the good. Embrace the pivot. Accept the failure. Move on. Enjoy the search. 

Peace, love and pivot.