I do a lot of working on myself. Spiritually, professionally, personally, physically (ish...but I'm working on my ish😂).
I'm on the flight home from RISE and thinking about what I'm going to do different after this one than all the other conferences I have come home from and what made this one different. Maybe it was the 7,500 women who were all inclusive and all in. It was special. Maybe it was the hype squad I went with. Maybe it was me. I think it was all of it. All of it. The atmosphere, speakers, content, women. AH-MAZING.
The reality is- I love buisness- but I love me more. and I've been putting business first and feeling completely unaligned. It's an awakening that I've needed for a solid 4 years. It's been build mode for a long time and a reactive way of life because of it.
A spirit of rejection has been on full blast. Full blast. Not white noise. Full blast in my ear since September unable to escape it. Constant. Replay. Completely exhausting. It's over. I've called my shot and I refuse to sit in it any longer. Y'all. I am so good at sitting in it. I mean like Oscar award winning ability to dwell, stew and own things that aren't mine. I just wad it up and add it to my suitcase and give it all the power. I'm claiming completion of this phase of life. I refuse to give power to things that aren't mine and refuse to dwell in the things.
I don't know what my life looks like after unpacking the suitcase but I do hope it looks different. I hope my marriage is better. Not just better- extraordinary. I don't take what we have lightly. I know it's good and for people judging our marriage to theirs, it may appear extraordinary but for those of us who push...We want more. I want it all. I want as good as it gets. I want as good as we create it and all the blessings God has for us and our life together. I want maximum fulfilment with my man. And I want him to have that too. I can picture what friendships look like and I know they are more intentional. Not a busy passing hey friend but a planned lunch date, scheduled coffee time on the regs, girls nights, pushing each other, and true accountability. That's what I want. And I want it with women who make me better. A better wife, woman, Christian, friend and Mama. Imagining how to crush momming is hard. Man, it's going so fast. I want to freeze time and let my perfect humans grow at the same time. I want to watch them turn into arrows and go out into the world prepared and confident of who they are. I want to be the mom they call about anything and everything. I want to be the house they want to bring their friends to on long college weekends so I can fill them with love and do all the laundry. I want the expected and the extraordinary. I want my kids to know that everything and I mean EVERYTHING is possible.
Vulnerability: have been toting some heavy things in my suitcase. Rejection, negative self talk, self consciousness and a season of unworthy and loneliness. This weekend...I burned it. I have the power to sit in it or keep walking.
Turning pain into power is just a thing. Acknowledge it, own it, share it. This is the final step of releasing! 👊
A ship in harbor is safe but that's not what ships were built for.